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Ambiguous losses from pandemic will linger

JOHANNA WEIDNER

COVID-19 restrictions may be lifting, but it’s normal for people to still feel anxious, sad or even angry about the pandemic.

“These feelings are normal in an abnormal time,” said family therapist, researcher and author Pauline Boss.

And people shouldn’t expect them to suddenly disappear. COVID -19 is likely to stick around for the long term and the significant losses experienced by everyone around the globe won’t be forgotten.

“It’s such an illusion to think there will be closure,” she said. “The world is grieving.”

Boss, a professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota, coined the term ambiguous loss in the 1970s for an unclear loss, unlike a death or other losses that have evidence and clarity. Her latest book, “The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change,” was released in December.

Boss said what people look for is not closure, but rather clarity — which is missing from an ambiguous loss and that ambiguity is very stressful. People acutely understand their need for clarity after more than two years dealing with COVID-19, many losing loved ones and all missing out on social events, being near friends and family, and other important rituals such as graduations and funerals.

“In the pandemic, you have an invisible enemy,” Boss said. “The entire world was stuck with many ambiguous losses.”

People reacted differently to ambiguity. Some shut down and insisted the danger was not real, while others did all they could to reduce the risk while learning something new or getting creative to make the most of the situation, which Boss

thinks is the majority.

“People around the world found ways to live with this threat, this ambiguous threat that’s been around us for so long,” Boss said.

Closure is really the wrong word to use because that means shutting the door on a loss, she said. “Grief and loss sometimes continue for a lifetime ... but it gets milder as time goes on.”

There will be no closure with COVID-19.

“We won’t forget that. We will remember it,” Boss said. “In fact, I will

say we need to remember it.”

Remembering means knowing how to take action if another virus emerges, and the pandemic taught an important lesson of how resilient most people can be when faced with a global threat. That’s something that should be shared with future generations, not just how tough the pandemic was to live through.

“Families should pass on the story of how resilient they were in times of trouble,” Boss said.

And it wasn’t just the risk and restrictions that came with COVID-19. The virus brought conflict and systemic issues were unavoidably thrust into the spotlight.

“Suddenly we see a lot of problems,” Boss said. “We are in a period of conflict and chaos now, but I think some good things will come out of it.”

That good will take time to emerge, although Boss said glimmers of that have been seen already during the pandemic with so many people stepping up to help in any way they could. Kindness flourished alongside the conflict.

“So many people were heroes at this time,” Boss said.

While pandemic measures are easing and the world shifts to living with COVID-19, more upheaval will follow because such a major global threat inevitably stirs things up and spurs change.

But change is stressful too, especially on top of the profound but ambiguous losses left in the pandemic’s wake.

“People are grieving them and don’t know why they’re feeling sad.”

Boss will lead an online workshop on ambiguous grief and loss for the Delton Glebe Counselling Centre in Waterloo on Thursday, designed for mental-health workers who will help people process how they’re feeling from the pandemic.

The pandemic taught an important lesson of how resilient most people can be when faced with a global threat

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2022-03-31T07:00:00.0000000Z

2022-03-31T07:00:00.0000000Z

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